Until Our Souls Get it Right
by musashihazmat84
Summary: COMPLETE The reincarnations of Christian and Satine, oblivious to their past lives, meet in 2002 at college. Will they find their old love? Will it stand the test of time? RR Please!
1. Karma 1

*A/N* It might not seem like a Moulin Rouge fic at first, but bear with me! It's full of songs and it's a story about truth, freedom and beauty, but above all things this story is about love, a love that lasts forever! R/R please, I will love you all forever! You know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie, etc. I do own Roxanne's pants, woohoo. Here's a hint, don't be confused by the names or the era, as all will be clear in time!

2013 update: Finally fixed those rotten formatting issues. Yikes. I don't know how anyone could actually read this entire story over the past 9 years without things like quotation marks. There's nothing new to see here. Originally written in 2003.

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part One: Karma

The white pickup truck vibrated gently as it sat idle in the long line of cars and vans stopped along the long driveway. Roxanne sighed and sat back, trying to relax even though her heart felt like it was trying to be digested in the pit of her stomach. Had she eaten that morning, she probably would have thrown up by now. She pulled her hairclip off the sun visor and quickly pinned her wavy, auburn hair up and out of the way.

The little BMW in front of them seemed to hold little more than a few of the standard plastic crates and some pillows and blankets; whereas Roxanne's entire life lay packed tight as sardines just behind her. People on the sidewalk just ahead wore shorts and tank tops, and now she knew for sure that she would stand out from the others, with her bright satin pajama pants with orange flames snaking up the sides. As her stomach churned, she wasn't so sure that flamboyantly standing out was such a good thing.

The pendulous grey sky above showed no signs of being merciful, and Roxanne could only hope that the rain held off until they were able to get the computer safetly inside. The truck inched forward toward the building that looked more like a church than a dorm building, and cheerful people with bright yellow shirts bounced toward the truck with attitudes contrasting not only with the sky's foreboding appearance, but also with Roxanne's very frightened- and very sad- state of mind.

As she stepped from the truck, she knew all eyes were on her; she who brought too much luggage; she who wore the flaming pants; she who didn't belong.

She immediately retrieved her room key from the people with the yellow shirts, who were the Resident Assistants of the dorm. One rushed out to her with a shopping cart from the local Shaws Supermarket and started carting her belongings and her life off to her yet unseen cubicle.

Reluctantly, she followed.

In a simple grey t-shirt that matched the sky, he rubbed his arms, trying to warm up as the downpour assaulted his SUV. With hopeful blue eyes reminiscent of sparkling blue sapphires, Christian looked toward his future home, Julie Dormitory Hall.

"It almost looks like a church," said his mother from in front of him, "especially with that huge stained glass window."

Christian smiled. "I believe it used to be a convent some years ago. I'm sure it will be a great place to study."

"Yeah," his father chuckled, "just make sure you leave it once in a while. Knowing you, you'd lock yourself in a room all day with your books."

"Oh, that doesn't bother me," Christian said, "you know I appreciate the peace and quiet, which is why I requested a single room. Besides, I've heard that no one ever comes to Julie Hall because of the long walk."

"That's what I'm worried about," his father said, glancing back at him through the rearview mirror.

Christian laughed. "Don't worry Dad, I'll be fine."

The Resident Assistants in yellow shirts flocked to the SUV like a team of drowned sunflowers, and Christian eagerly jumped out, ready to see his new home.

Rain pounded down on the roof of the former chapel as the new freshmen residents poured into the room. It had been a long day; unpacking, impromptu get-togethers, various orientation meetings, and by 10:00 that night- while Roxanne's spirits were heightened from seeing all the prospects for future friends, she was exhausted and not in any mood for a mandatory hall meeting. Therefore, to show her dislike for late-night meetings such as this, she didn't bother putting on sneakers to go upstairs to the lounge; opting instead to wear her bright rainbow slippers. If she was going to be different, she might as well go all out.

She and her roommate arrived early, but not early enough as all the seats in the so-called lounge were already taken. Roxanne simply stood against the wall as the floor was much too uncomfortable.

Apparently, from what she'd heard, this building used to be a convent, and she was currently standing in the former chapel. The pews had been replaced with tables, lamps and chairs; the altar with a pool table, but there was no doubt that this place was ever a chapel as evidenced by the huge, round stained-glass window and the balcony above.

She scanned the room searching for others who stood out; possible social freaks and pariahs as she was sure she'd already been lumped into one of the latter two categories.

Sighing, she wasn't that surprised when she had found none, but smiled to herself thinking of the irony of the situation; here she was, now living in a former convent (but at any rate -still- a convent), having done things that would make Satan blush. She wasn't even Christian yet she was attending a Jesuit university- and it looked as if she would become the Queen of the Damned.

Slightly chuckling to herself, she looked up when she felt someone's gaze on her, and looked up to see a rather excited looking boy staring at her. She mentally pinched herself; she had to stop calling men boys as they were all technically adults now, but as she looked at him again, Roxanne couldn't help by notice his boyish good looks. He looked rather young, maybe one of the few who were still 17, and his eager and nervous glances toward the newcomers entering though the doorway near her gave away his clear excitement.

Well, at least someone was excited. She leaned back against the wall and observed the other men in the room; while all of them were dark, brooding, and mysteriously handsome, all they seemed to care about was beer, blondes, and banging. Most of the men in the room looked the same and stuck together, except for that one; that excited, innocent looking one with the crystalline blue eyes.

Christian had been one of the first people in the lounge for the meeting at 10, mainly to get it out of the way so he could get back to his room and go to bed.

Since he had spent most of the day unpacking and settling into his new room, he hadn't had the time to get out and meet anyone besides the RA, who lived next door, and the various other guys in the hall- most of whom resented living so far from the other dorms such as those in the "Quad". The Quad, which consisted of five dorms and presented the opportunity for constant partying, was an eight-minute walk. Everyone in Julie Hall only wanted to live elsewhere; everyone except Christian.

He looked around the former chapel and knew instantly that this would be where he would spend the majority of his time. He could get a lot of writing done here, as well as his other studies.

More people began to come into the room and filled the remaining chairs. Surely there were more Julie residents than this! He shrugged-whether there were more residents or not, it already seemed as if the place would be constantly deserted. Quite simply, there was nothing to DO in Julie Hall for the typical college student.

Elevator doors just beyond the entrance to the lounge opened, and about fifteen people flooded into the room, which was already becoming crowded. Almost everyone chose to sit on the floor except for a few people who stood by the back of the room, and when Christian looked at one of them, he had to do a double take. Her bright auburn hair shone in the soft yellow lights by the entrance, and the only things brighter than her hair were her flaming pants and her rainbow slippers. And despite how bright and happy her clothes were, Christian could have sworn that a little storm cloud followed her in and hung over her head.

She stood against the wall with her arms crossed, examining the room and then her feet. There was something so familiar about her…

Their eyes connected with a static shock, and he froze; but he quickly chose something else- the trim along the wall- to try to cover himself.

Somewhere he knew it didn't work.


	2. Karma 2

*A/N* It still might not seem like a Moulin Rouge fic at first, but bear with me! It's full of songs and it's a story about truth, freedom and beauty, but above all things this story is about love, a love that lasts forever! R/R please, I am obsessed with feedback because it makes me grow! You know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie, etc. Here's a hint, don't be confused by the names or the era, as all will be clear in time!

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part One: Karma (continued)

Weeks passed, and a new era of life began for all the freshmen at Preston University. For Christian, it wasn't much different from high school; he retained his study habits and settled in rather quickly. Others were obsessed with booze and sex, but for him his work came first. Falling in love seemed foolish; having a lover for just a night was stupid. Love brought nothing but problems. He had never been in love, and he certainly didn't want to even try finding it until he knew where he was going with life.

Many students complained about others hooking up and were envious of those who seemed to have found "their other halves"; and still others complained about not having enough time to study and "have any kind of a life". If they wanted a life that didn't involve studying, then what were they in college for?

One good thing about everyone seeming to constantly party was that Christian soon discovered he had full access to all the washers and dryers in the laundry room on Friday and Saturday nights. Sure, maybe everyone else might think he was a loser for deeming Friday as laundry day, but then again he wasn't the one passed out over a toilet at 3am. And guaranteed, if he was ever to run into a girl in the laundry room on a Friday night, then there was a good chance she was a kindred spirit.

One night, as Christian was loading one of the dryers and the room down the hall shook with the bass of rap music, the girl with the flaming pants walked in, bent over with the weight of a huge collapsible hamper. As she looked up and courteously smiled, the strap on the hamper broke and the whole thing fell to the floor.

"Oh Goddammit!" she sighed, "Fuckin' piece of shit."

Christian blinked and realized he forgot to breathe as he continued to stare at her. Not too many girls had such a gentle demeanor and swore like that; and there were rumors circulating about this girl all over Julie hall. Some said she busted her roommate for pot and was very nice girl- others swore she was a psycho, hypocritical, neurotic, whorish freak.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer!" she growled.

Jarred back into reality, Christian stammered, "W—what?"

She shook her head. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, picking up the dirty laundry from the floor. "I guess you were just spacing out instead of staring at me like I was a freak from outer space."

"A little of both!" he laughed.

She glared at him.

"It was a joke!" he said, kneeling down. "Look, let me help you."

She smiled, "Thanks, but you don't have to. Sorry I'm in such a rotten mood; I've just had a really bad day."

"That's okay," he said as they continued to pick up laundry. She kept on talking about something, but he could only stare at her. She was alluring…she was familiar…

"Have we met somewhere?" he asked.

"The newspaper meeting, probably. I'm Roxanne de la Cour, but people call me Roxy."

"I'm Christian Rourke…" he trailed off. Until she mentioned the newspaper he hadn't even realized that she was involved with it. He was sure he knew her from somewhere else.

"So where are you from?"

"Eastern Connecticut, up 395 if you're familiar with the area. About two hours from here."

"Oh, have you lived anywhere else? I live about 20 minutes from here."

"No, I was born in New London and," she reached for something just under his hand, "let me get that."

As he looked down, his face flushed a deep red similar to the lacy red bra she was about to pick up.

Thankfully, her face was the same shade.

Roxanne leaned against the wall at the weekly meeting for the school newspaper, The Paw Print Press. Barely anything was said about her article except for the fact that the picture that went with it could have been better. Of course it could have been better- that's what -she- had told her editor, and the only time her editor actually listened was when the faculty advisor happened to offer the same suggestions. Oh well, better luck next time.

Surprisingly, Christian had never mentioned anything concerning that whole hamper fiasco from a week before, even though they had seen each other since. Maybe he forgot.

"Is Christian here?" asked the faculty advisor, "Christian Rourke?"

Roxanne's ears perked up as Christian answered from across the room.

"Well, your column on the laundry room was rather cute, I thought," the advisor said, "Very creative, great job. I hope you'll stay with us in the future; it's always nice to see fresh writers."

Every pint of blood rushed to her face- so maybe he hadn't forgotten. She quickly flipped to the page and read:

"You know where a great place to meet women on campus is?

The Laundry Room."

She glanced up at Christian, who was grinning as he intently watched her. Suppressing the urge to flip him off, she rolled her eyes. He winked at her.

She stuck out her tongue.

"Roxy, ever see 'Moulin Rouge'?" asked Carolyn, one of the girls in the hall.

"No, I haven't really had the chance," she said, flatly. Honestly, she didn't want to see it; she'd heard it was a musical set during the Victorian Era and featured modern songs. Granted, her favorite book was indeed the true story of the Moulin Rouge, and her favorite author by far was the King of Penniless Poets, Christian Fletcher, who had only written two works before he committed suicide in 1901, but for someone to adapt the book for a movie and use songs was just plain ludicrous and a disgrace to the story. Mr. Fletcher was probably turning in his grave at the thought. For that reason, Roxanne had been adamant for a year about boycotting the movie, because if a film couldn't accurately stick to its era, it could never be believable- especially if it was a true story.

Audrey, Carolyn's roommate, joined them in the hall. "So, are ya watching 'Moulin Rouge' wid us tonight?" she asked with her thick New York accent.

"Eh…"

Audrey grabbed her arm. "I'll take dat as a yes."

To Roxanne's surprise, the movie closely followed the book, with the exceptions of the songs, which were so witty that she reluctantly had to admit she'd been wrong in her previous judgement. Besides, one of the songs was an actual song that Mr. Fletcher had written for his dear Satine. The song, "Come What May", had been one Roxanne never heard, but one she knew all the words to, and by the final song, she'd become so entranced by the movie that when Audrey spoke, she jumped and stuttered, "W—what?"

"I thought datchu said you never saw dis before," she said.

"I haven't."

"Ha, is da movie dat predictable?"

She shrugged. "What do you mean?"

"You were mouthin' da words just now!"

Roxanne laughed. "I read the book."

"Yeah," Audrey said, "but dis version of da song ain't in da book."


	3. Karma 3

*A/N* Stuff is finally starting to happen! You know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie and "I'm with you" is by Avril Lavigne

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part One: Karma (continued)

"You've got to go on, Christian…"

He turned over again and stared at the clock. 2:57AM.

"Tell our story…"

Throwing his covers off, Christian sat up and ran a weary hand through his hair.

"Christian…"

Every night since he'd come to college, he dreamt about her; a beautiful goddess whose voice echoed though his mind when he most needed sleep and deprived him of it.

Very rarely, they would sing to each other, fleeting songs he could never remember, and there were other dreams he'd had which the thought of made him blush the color of her hair.

For the past week or so, since he had run into that girl- Roxanne- in the laundry room- every dream had been the same.

Except for tonight.

Until tonight, the auburn haired goddess, whom always remained nameless, died in his arms, always saying, "You've got to go on, Christian."

She wasn't in his dream tonight, but her voice was all too ready to soothe him, when he woke up in a cold sweat. Tonight, while holding a typed manuscript, he'd taken a gun to his head.

He turned on the light over his sink, immediately blinded by the light. Squinting until his eyes adjusted, he turned on the water and splashed some in his face.

"Christian…"

He grabbed a nearby towel and dryed his face, staring into his own reflection; the dark bags under his eyes becoming more prominent with each passing day.

He threw on a sweatshirt, grabbed his keys and wandered out into the hall, trying to walk off the excess energy; trying to think; trying to get her out of his mind.

Roxanne wandered through the empty halls, dazed. She needed to see Moulin Rouge again- seeing it for the first time with a bunch of chatty girls made her miss a lot of the movie and dulled its ending. Despite her former opinion, she found herself inexplicably drawn to its magic.

She rubbed her forehead—there was more to it than that; she ached for love with every inch of her being and could relate to the story, but when she actually saw it tonight, she saw glimpses of something else every time she shut her eyes; almost like she were at the Moulin Rouge; maybe it was because she wanted a love like Christian's and Satine's so badly she could taste it.

But this was college. She sighed- almost all the male students here drank, had sex and were merry, and they certainly could care less about relationships.

So maybe it wasn't so different than the Moulin Rouge.

She plodded up a couple flights of stairs to the fourth floor, made difficult by the weight of her heart. Trying to cope with her loneliness and confusion the best way she knew how, she began to sing softly, so as to not wake anyone.

"I'm standing on a bridge

I'm waiting in the dark

I thought that you'd be here by now

There's nothing but the rain

No footsteps on the ground

I'm listening but there's no sound"

Reaching the balcony of the deserted lounge, which thankfully didn't border any rooms, she raised her voice.

"Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life;

Won't you take me by the hand,

Take me somewhere new;

I don't know who you are

But I... I'm with you;

I'm with you…"

Christian reached the third floor and decided to head to the lounge to just sit and think. As he approached it, he could have sworn he could hear someone singing- but at this hour?

"I'm with you…"

He walked deeper into the lounge, yet still saw no one. There were rumors of a ghost in Julie Hall—supposedly a nun hung herself when she got pregnant with the priest's child. Christian smirked, highly doubting that the rumor was true; especially that a dead nun would be singing an Avril Lavigne song at three in the morning.

"I'm looking for a place

I'm searching for a face

Is anybody here I know

'Cause nothings going right

And everything's a mess

And no one likes to be alone…"

Whoever it was was definitely in the lounge, and when Christian looked up and only saw the ceiling, he realized she was directly above him, on the balcony, and his curiosity drove him forward.

Roxanne took a deep breath for the next verse, and choked when she saw someone appear from just underneath the balcony.

Christian.

Quick as lightning, she dashed down some small steps and ran out into the hall. The last thing she needed was him writing another column about anything involving her. She rushed down the hall to the stairwell, praying he hadn't recognized her- which wouldn't have been hard, for she was the only in the building with natural auburn hair.

Christian sighed when he turned around. Whomever had been up there must have seen him and ran- which was a shame, for her voice was the same as the voice of the goddess in his dreams.

He grinned; maybe he was sleepwalking.

"You've got to go on, Christian..."

Sadly, he shifted his gaze from the balcony. He had to get the girl from his dreams out of his head; she was beginning to interfere with every aspect of his life, and he couldn't have that. He was in college to study, not to chase a dream.

He sighed uneasily knowing that just the opposite was true; the dreams chased him.


	4. Autour de moi, je ne vois pas 1

*A/N* Stuff is finally starting to happen! You know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie. "Paradise (Not for Me)" is by Madonna. (Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed "Karma", including my mom who sent me a whole email about it! I love my readers because you're all wonderful people!) Special thanks to Nick, for getting me into Madonna; and to Kate, for being my closest friend at FU!)

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part 2: Autour de moi; je ne vois pas.

Christian was shutting the door of the washing machine when a nearby door slammed and someone shrieked, "UGH! I cannot friggen STAND Madonna anymore!"

And he would have laughed, if the lid of the washing machine hadn't just landed on his hand. Jerking it out and rubbing it to try to soothe it, he started the machine and walked into the hall where three blonde girls passed him; one of whom was still complaining.

"It's not like she plays DIFFERENT Madonna CDs; she plays the same fucking one all friggen day and doesn't bat an eyelash! She's driving me nuts!"

Christian grinned and looked in the direction they had come and could faintly hear music emanating from a room whose door was slightly ajar. Curious as to who the girl had been bashing, he walked to the door and read the names marked on three separate markerboards. One of them was the student hall president for Julie Hall and named Lauren Leonard, and another was Patti Price.

Lastly; Roxanne de la Cour.

As Christian stood there, he could hear someone singing along with the eerie and ambient music.

"Autour de moi

Je ne vois pas

Qui sont des anges

Surement pas moi

Encore une fois

Je suis casseé

Encore une fois

Je n'y crois pas…"

Encore une fois… "Christian…"

Shivering, a chill went up his spine; the girl from his dreams and the one the other side of the door had the same voice… he had to know. With the door already partially open, he nudged it slightly.

The same voice; same hair…

Roxanne.

Almost as if on cue, Roxanne jumped and stopped singing. "You scared me!"

"W—what?"

"I didn't see you there."

"I—uh," he wracked his brain for an excuse, "I—I wanted to see the room."

She shrugged. "I guess word's gotten around about the biggest room on campus; isn't it great?"

He mentally patted himself on the back. Good cover.

"Do you want to come in?"

"No…uh, maybe some other time."

"You sure?"

He nodded, grinning, "I have laundry to do." He turned back toward the laundry room, but thought better of it. "Hey Roxanne…"

"Yeah?"

"Got anything you want me to wash while I'm at it?" He winked.

"Why you ...!" she started, grabbing a textbook to throw it at him. As he ducked she put the book down and started laughing. "You didn't think I was really gonna throw this stupid calc book at you, did you?"

He smiled, "No…"

"I'm not that mean!" she said, also smiling warmly, "well, see you around, Christian."

Smiling to himself, he turned toward the laundry room; so Roxanne was the songbird of Julie Hall…

Same voice…same hair…

She even said his name the same way…

The cool breeze tossed her hair about as Roxanne walked down the road, only thinking of her vivid dream from the night before.

She had been crying, begging him to leave. He persisted; tears in his eyes…

A bright light enveloped them as the dream faded…

She shook her head. There was more to it than that; she'd been trying to drag the memory out of her subconscious all morning and drew nothing but a blank. To top it all off, she couldn't get Christian Rourke out of her mind- he had been in that dream somewhere- but where?

Julie Hall came into view; thankfully her walk wouldn't take much longer. She was never one to take the bus- always too impatient to stand around and wait. Hopefully neither of her two roommates would be there; the last thing she wanted was another disapproving stare. Simply put, she was too outlandish for their tastes and always rubbed them the wrong way, and the feelings were mutual.

It had already been two months since she moved in, and quite honestly she couldn't deal with the thought of living in that room for the remainder of the year with those two spoiled brats- much less the remainder of the semester.

She sighed, glancing at the change-of-housing request form in her hand.

It was for the best.

The bus slowed as it approached Julie Hall. Christian prepared to get up, but froze when he saw who was walking up to the entrance.

"Earth to Christian!" said the dark haired girl beside him. Her name was Kate; she lived on the fourth floor and didn't seem to go out a lot, much like himself and Roxanne.

"Do you know her?" he asked, still staring after her.

"Roxanne?"

He nodded, and she continued in an over-exaggerated French accent, "Roxanne de la Cour? Ah oui monsieur, I know ze girl!"

Christian laughed. "I barely know what to make of her."

"Eh," Kate shrugged, "I don't think she's as strange as everyone thinks she is." They both rose as the bus came to a full stop, after Roxanne had already entered the building. "I've talked to her a couple of times. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "I dunno."

Kate nudged him. "Come on, Christian! You can't get out of that question so easily! You like her- admit it." She smiled has he felt the heat rise in his cheeks. "I thought I was right," she said, "now whatever happened to the Christian who said, 'I'm not looking for love, I'm just waiting for a wife who understands my inherent need to constantly work until I drop dead?'"

"Love would only get in the way!" he protested, "Just because I like her- a little- doesn't mean I'm going to act on it.

Kate frowned. "Why are you so bitter against love if you've never BEEN in love?"

Christian shrugged. "Name one happy couple!"

"Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky!" Kate shot back sarcastically, "Answer my question!"

Christian stiffened under the scrutiny. "Well…I've seen what so-called love has done to my friends and I don't want a part of it! My work is my passion, not some love-starved twit!"

Kate suddenly turned solemn. "I think there's more to it than that."

"So what if there is!" he spat. Kate backed up, slightly taken aback. His expression turned soft. "I—I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me."

Kate put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You sure you're okay? Do you want to go up to my room and have some coffee?"

He shook his head. "I have a lot of reading to do."

"You're impossible!" Kate sighed, shaking her head.

As Roxanne opened the door of her room, her blood boiled when she saw Lauren and Patti huddled by Roxy's computer. "What are you doing!?"

Patti stood and faced her. Advancing, she said, "You have a problem with Lauren?"

"Answer my question first."

"We were just reading your wonderfully informative online diary, you miserable piece of shit!"

Roxanne steeled herself. "Glad to know that at least someone reads my writing," she hissed.

Lauren joined Patti. "You think I'm fake? How am I FAKE?"

Roxanne incredulously glared at her. "Don't think I don't hear you," she said, "when you talk about me behind my back the second you THINK it's turned!"

Lauren opened her mouth to say something, but Roxanne cut her off. "God, you'd hate to know what everyone in this hall really thinks of you!"

Lauren's eyes narrowed as Roxanne continued. "You chose to read the journal- you crave it. You crave to be center of attention, whether it be the slut at the parties or the center of vicious gossip, because everything's all about you, isn't it?"

"Maybe if you weren't such a fucking miserable bitch you would have realized that maybe you're the slut and shouldn't be talkin' shit!"

"The mirror's that way, _dear_," Roxanne said, pointing, "why don't you face who you're talking to."

With a furious shriek, Lauren slapped her, snapping her face to the side. She thanked her with a bitter smile. "Had enough to satisfy your ego?"

Lauren balled her fists in rage and went to hit her again, but Patti stopped her. "Don't let this Tramp get to you; last thing you need is another fine from Judicial on account of this whore."

Despite Patti's plea, Lauren broke free of her grasp, all to eager to forcefully punch Roxanne in her pretty face. With a swish of her blonde hair, she left the room with Patti in tow.

She numbly shut the door after them, knowing she had no choice by to move out now. She put a hand to her severely stinging cheek, trying to soothe it and fight back the tears welling up in her eyes. Instead, all she was met with was the garnet liquid of her blood, staining her fingertips.


	5. Autour de moi, je ne vois pas 2

*A/N* You know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie. "Ordinary World" is by Duran Duran, and it's a GREAT song. (Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! This story has gotten the most reviews compared to all the other stories I've written for this site, so I'm so happy! Everyone is enjoying it and it's just giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling! I love my readers because you're all wonderful people!) Special thanks to Kate Napolitano for being so witty and being my CLOSEST FU friend! I totally stole the character of Professor Stokes from Dark Shadows, which I have a tendency to do to most of my fics, but it doesn't matter because the only people who can tell are the people who know Dark Shadows and it's not confusing at all (especially since he hasn't had any scenes yet, he's only been mentioned.) One last thing. Jeff the RA's line wasn't really said by him. It was said by another RA I know. LOL. R/R please!

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part 2: Autour de moi; je ne vois pas. (Continued)

Christian slid his keycard through the card reader just as Lauren threw the door open and shoved past both him and Kate. One of her friends followed her as she shrieked, "That fucking BITCH!"

As they entered the hall and the door shut behind them, Kate said, "I wonder who she was talking about?"

"That's Roxanne's roommate," Christian offered. Kate shrugged as they turned the corner.

"Roxanne's nice though," she said, "Why would anyone say such a thing about her?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I suppose we could always ask her," Kate said, "Because she's right there."

Christian's head snapped up at the mention of her name. She had just rounded the corner, hurriedly rushing to the water fountain, a tissue to her mouth. "Roxanne?"

"Hey," she mumbled, waving slightly just before pressing the button on the fountain.

"Is everything okay?"

She shrugged, taking the tissue away with her free hand.

He wasn't prepared for what he saw next, instinctively rushing to her side when he saw the blood.

"Are you all right!?" Kate asked.

"Obviously not if she's coughing up blood!" he said, wrapping his arms around her, enfolding her in a protective embrace.

Roxanne shrugged out of his embrace, putting the damp tissue to her lip again, and looked at him strangely. "What are you talking about?"

He came close again. "I—I'll get a doctor for you, you'll be all right!"

"Christian," Roxanne said slowly, "Lauren hit me. I don't need a doctor!" She gestured to her lip. "This is nothing, it'll heal."

Kate stepped forward, placing a caring hand on her arm. "She must've hit you pretty hard," she said, "People don't get split lips from love taps!"

Roxanne chuckled slightly as she dabbed her lip. Shutting off the fountain, a look of concern darkened her features as she looked at Christian again. "Are YOU okay? You look incredibly pale."

He shook his head, trying to shake the nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong. Why had he thought she had been coughing up blood?

"Christian?" She was mouthing the words, but all he could hear was the voice of the girl from his dreams. "Christian…"

He brushed past the two girls. "I—I have to study! I have a lot to read."

Kate tried to stop him by blocking his path. "Christian!"

He stopped and looked back over his shoulder at a very dumbfounded Roxanne. "I'm glad you're all right…well…sort of all right—I'll see you both later!"

Ignoring their protests, all he knew was that he had to get back to his room; escape from the strange thoughts, the dreams that haunted him.

He quickened his pace.

Roxanne glanced at Kate as she continued to dab her lip. "That was bizarre."

"With a capital B- did you see how he reacted to seeing you?"

She started to walk back towards her room. "Of course! He practically jumped on me!"

Kate shrugged. "I've NEVER seen him touch a girl. He's not the touchy-feely type." She smiled, continuing, "Half the girls in the hall would kill for what he just did to you!"

"And the other half," Roxanne laughed, "would go for his neighbor, Jeff the R.A.!"

Kate laughed as well, "Too true, my dear, too true. That boy absolutely shocked me!"

"I dunno…" Roxanne said, "he seemed almost—scared for me or something."

"What I thought was weird was how he mentioned getting a doctor for you. The Health Center is just downstairs!"

"He scared the daylights out of me when he bear-hugged me…I hope he's okay."

"YOU hope he's okay? So he freaked out a little—now you on the other hand—you just got punched in the face and you're worried about Christian? What the hell happened? Christian and I saw you entering Julie Hall when we were still on the bus, and five minutes later you've got a bloody lip."

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Lauren and one of her brat friends read my journal. They called me a miserable tramp or something and Lauren hit me." She grinned, "It was SO worth getting hit after I spat the truth in her face!"

"Lovely image," Kate said, "but have you thought about the fact you have to live with her for the rest of the year?"

"There's no way in hell I'm doing that. I was already thinking of moving, and after this you KNOW the R.A.s won't let her and I stay in the same room." She shrugged. "I couldn't live with those hoity-toity bitches anyway. I just wish I didn't have to leave the hall, but there are no open spaces left here."

Kate hugged her. "It won't be long then. I'll help you pack, that way you'll be ready on a moment's notice- on one condition!"

Roxanne smiled, "And what's that?"

"You MUST come back to visit!"

She smiled, "Thanks Kate, you know I will! You're one of my only friends here!"

"Oh, cheer up Roxy, if he weren't so deathly afraid of estrogen, I think Christian would be your friend too!"

Christian slammed his door shut and leaned against it, his heart racing. What happened by the water fountain? He tried to analyze it; why he rushed over to her—he had been afraid.

He frowned. He didn't get queasy around blood, and what he'd just seen with Roxanne was hardly anything anyway.

He was afraid that moment- more afraid than he had ever been in his entire life. Shutting his eyes searching for an answer, he sighed. The whole deal with Roxanne and the goddess dominating his dreams was too much at times; right now being one of those times. If he didn't know better, he'd think he was getting a crush on Roxanne, but he barely knew her, barely talked to her, or barely even SAW her.

Yet, when he'd seen her bent over the fountain, blood staining her lips, fear consumed him. Fear and déjà vu.

The goddess' whisper pierced the silence of the empty room. "I'm dying, Christian…"

His head snapped up, out of his daze. Dying? He shook his head; none of this made sense. He thought Roxanne was dying based on a few drops of blood?

"I need help, he murmured, picking up the phone and dialing the counseling services office.

After two rings, someone finally answered the phone. "Counseling Servives; this is Margaret speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hi—uh, this is Christian Rourke, I need to make an appointment to speak with someone as soon as possible!"

"Have you been here before?"

"No."

"Okay. What's your name again?"

"Christian Rourke."

"Well," she said, "How does 10:00 on Friday sound?"

"That's fine."

"Okay, your appointment is at 10:00 on Friday, with Professor Stokes. Come down early; you'll need to fill out some paperwork."

"Thank you."

"Yes, goodbye."

Click.

Christian sighed as he set down the receiver, and turned on the radio, trying to drown out his thoughts. He smiled when he recognized the song, and began to sing along.

"Came in from a rainy Thursday  
On the avenue  
Thought I heard you talking softly  
I turned on the lights, the TV  
And the radio  
Still I can't escape the ghost of you…"

He grinned at the irony, and continued.

"What has happened to it all?  
Crazy, some'd say  
Where is the life that I recognize?  
Gone away"

"But I won't cry for yesterday  
There's an ordinary world  
Somehow I have to find  
And as I try to make my way  
To the ordinary world  
I will learn to survive…"

Roxanne threw the last box into the back of the van, eager to get to her new room, but apprehensive of leaving Julie Hall. Over the past couple of months, she'd come to view many of the girls in the hall as family, especially Kate.

Slamming the door of the van, Roxanne fished for her keys, pulling out her keycard as she approached the door. Entering the hall by her room, she was greeted with the many girls who barely knew her, but seemed to love her nevertheless.

The RA of her hall came out of her room and gave her a hug. "Come back and visit us sometime!"

Jeff the RA and the other RA of the floor came over, as well as everyone bade her goodbye. "Guys, it's not like you're never going to see her again," Jeff teased, "You act like she's leaving the country instead of moving across campus!"

"But she won't come visit; she's too good for us now that she's leaving!" Carolyn whined.

Christian rounded the corner, carrying a stuffed laundry basket against his waist. Roxanne slightly smiled at him and he quickly ducked into the laundry room, only to emerge a moment later, sans laundry basket. "What's this?" he said, "A party in the hall and I wasn't invited?" He pouted.

"More like a funeral," Audrey said.

"Didn't you hear?" asked Carolyn, "Our dear Roxy is leaving us!"

"I said I'll come back!" Roxanne protested, "Julie Hall is my first home before Brookline Hall any day!"

"You're leaving?" Christian asked, "When?"

She hoisted her backpack over her shoulder.

"Tonight."


	6. How wonderful life is 1

*A/N* Sorry this chapter took me so incredibly long; the past month has been HELL! Fires, car accidents, deaths, you freaking name it and it's happened. If you want like, the full story as to why I haven't updated in over a month, read my livejournal. Anyway you know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie. "Secret" is by Madonna. (Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! This story has gotten the most reviews compared to all the other stories I've written for FFnet, so I'm so happy! Everyone is enjoying it and it's just giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling! I love my readers because you're all wonderful people!)

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part 3: How wonderful life is

Within a month, the university was absorbed in finals and the excitement of Christmastime. After the most rough semester of their lives, all the freshmen at Preston University were thankful for the three week break, and some of them never intended to come back.

One of those had almost been Roxanne. She and her new roommate had gotten along so well that they adopted the other's opinions and bad habits. That roommate left, never to return.

While it was known Roxanne was miserable at Preston U, many didn't know if she would return for the remainder of the year, including herself. Despite her misgivings, something pushed her to give it a second chance. Of course, during her precious three weeks of break spent with her crazy and zany close friends, she dreaded the unavoidable day when she would have to trek the 100 miles back to her hell.

As soon as she got back, she took certain measures to at least make the last semester tolerable. Because of the trauma of living with the blonde bitch brats Lauren and Patti, Roxanne was in need of counseling and had been referred to Professor Stokes. Hopefully he wasn't like the counselor she'd once seen, who treated her as though she were ten, when at the time she was almost 16.

She had waited too long for counseling at that point in her life; two years before when she was 13, she'd tried to kill herself. "Now now," her counselor had once said, "we don't go around hurting ourselves. Knives are for food, not for wrists…"

Roxanne wanted to hit her. Hard.

As a result of that appointment over three years before, she had no idea what to expect, even as she stepped foot inside Professor Stokes' office. She glanced at the ropy scar, faded with a half-decade of age, and hoped he wouldn't ask. It wasn't her problem anymore, just a reminder.

The faint scent of sage drifted through the air, and Professor Stokes' back was to her as he faced a computer screen. She yet hovered in the doorway, sure that he would beckon her when he was ready. From her stand point she could see that he was dressed well, in a navy suit with his graying hair slicked back. He was a large man, not grotesquely obese, but sufficiently rotund. On the shelf next to him, beside a typical house plant, sat a smoldering sage bundle.

He swiveled around to face the doorway where she stood. "Miss De la Cour, I presume?"

She nodded. "Just call me Roxy, or Roxanne, everyone does."

He gestured to a nearby chair, which she promptly sat in as he picked up a clipboard and got up to shut the office door. "De la Cour- French for 'of the court'; such a rare name now…" he said, shaking her hand. "One of the RA's referred you to me after the incident with your former roommate. How are you now?"

She shrugged. "Fine I guess; a little lonely but otherwise fine. I'm still questioning whether I made the right choice to stay at this dump or not."

He sat down across from her. "What made you decide to return?"

"Everyone deserves a second chance; I decided to change some of my courses to alleviate the stress a little- dropped Calc- it was killing my GPA."

"I see. Do you have any concerns about living alone?" I've been informed that your new roommate withdrew from the University."

"I actually like living alone," she said, "but I don't have many friends."

The professor frowned. "Why do you think that?"

She looked at the floor and noticed her scar peeping out from her sleeve. "I just don't fit in," she said, "I mean, I love being unique in how I dress and what I listen to, and I love embracing diversity because that's how I grew up. Everyone loved you for you. My attitude here doesn't fit in."

Stokes cocked an eyebrow. "I'm sure that's not the case."

She looked at him incredulously. "Do you mean to tell me you can't see that everyone here is stuck up? All the guys want is sex with the anorexic blonde half-wits. Look at me; a redhead who's not exactly pretty, who dresses funny and wasn't popular in high school. Where do I fit in? I can't make friends because everyone seems to be the same, and now I'm too desperate…"

Christian sighed as he pulled his math book from his bad. It was a new semester with new classes; plenty of new people, opportunities. He'd heard that many freshmen had left, but was unsure if Roxanne had been one of them. The weekly newspaper meeting hadn't yet taken place, and he hadn't really talked to Kate about Roxanne since that strange day when she'd been punched in the face.

Now that he'd been visiting with the good counselor, Professor Stokes, for over a month, he was just now starting to get a grip on his whole situation. However Stokes had originally suggested hypnosis in order to get to Christian's underlying problem with Roxanne, but he scoffed. He didn't want to know WHY he had problems in her presence; he just wanted a solution.

Then again, if she hadn't returned to school, then there would be no need to waste any more energy on it.

More students filed into the room and soon the professor walked in; only five minutes left until class started, and there were a few empty seats around the room.

Today had been a strange day; his 19th birthday, spent completely away from home, family, and old friends. He'd run into Kate earlier in the day and she'd wished him a happy birthday, but other than that not too many people knew about it, and it certainly made for indeed a lonely birthday.

He flipped through his notebook, looking for a clean page and barely glanced up as someone passed him and took the empty seat beside him. His ears perked up when the girl next to him struck up a conversation with the girl behind him.

"Hey, Carolyn!" she said, "I didn't know you were in this class!"

"Oh, hi Roxy!" the girl said, "yeah, I just transferred from Calc."

"Me too!"

Christian picked up his head and smiled in spite of himself when his gaze was met with that of Roxanne's.

"Hey Christian," she said, "Haven't seen you in a while!"

"Yeah- are you still working for the paper?"

Her eyes grew wide. "Of COURSE I'm working for the paper! Writing is my life!" She flashed him her gorgeous smile, which he couldn't help but return.

As he smiled at her, Christian questioned if a light blush had risen to her cheeks, or if his eyes were only playing tricks on him in the dim light of the room.

Christian stepped out of the building after class, overwhelmed by confusion. All he wanted was to get her out of his mind, and suddenly she was there; she would be there, all the time.

Stokes warned him this might happen. He also warned that Christian shouldn't bottle himself up in his room all the time, for interactions like this really were good for him.

He sighed and admitted Stokes had been right about getting to the bottom of the problem. Avoiding Roxanne was no longer an option, and he really had no reason to avoid her besides the fact that he freaked out a couple months before.

As he walked in to the campus center, a song by Madonna began to play on the campus radio station. He smiled, remembering how much Roxanne's ex-roommate hated it, and hoped she was listening. Both of them.

He looked toward the newspaper office, and saw that Roxanne had already beat him there. Apparently they would be together to help copy edit the paper on Tuesdays too; he definitely had to have a different attitude towards her.

_Things haven't been the same  
Since you came into my life  
You found a way to touch my soul  
And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go…_

Roxanne drifted into the dining hall, half asleep. Eight O'clock classes were NOT for her; all she did this semester was roll out of bet, put her hair back, and crawl up to class. She never saw anyone worth seeing in her scrubbish state, so why care?

Why care, indeed- the very second she rounded the corner to pick up a tray, Christian stood there, well dressed and showered.

She mentally cursed; just her luck. Hopefully it wasn't too obvious that she had yet to shower- and hopefully he would sit with her despite her just-dragged-behind-a-bus look. The heat rushed to her cheeks as he looked up at her; she hoped the color of her face hadn't changed despite the fact she felt as if she were on fire. His features brightened as he waved to her.

She smiled- he'd actually acknowledged her! After the episode in Julie Hall months before he seemed so avoidant- at least until math class last week. Since then, he'd been on her mind almost as frequently as after the incident in the laundry room.

After sitting down with her breakfast; a bagel, the only thing she dared eat, she pulled out her diary and a pen. Just as she was about to write, a shadow fell across the page. "Mind if I sit with you?"

Roxanne smiled broadly in spite of herself before she even looked up at Christian, who was already setting down his tray. "No, go right ahead!"

"So, how was your weekend?" he asked, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Fine," Roxanne said, tearing off a piece of a bagel, "Kate and I tried to find you on Friday night to go to Karaoke with us at the campus bar."

"Oh," he shrugged, "I went home this weekend—but I don't like to go out much anyway."

"Oh." Roxanne tore another piece of her bagel off as an awkward silence descended on the table. Just after she'd placed the piece in her mouth, Christian spoke.

"So, what classes are you taking this semester?"

She looked at him and smirked, her mouth was full and he laughed. After a moment, she laughed as well and answered him, "English, German, Philosophy, Religion, and…" she searched her mind, but drew only a blank. "I know I have five classes," she said, "But for the life of me I can't remember that last one!"

He shrugged, and like a brick to the head she realized how obvious the fifth class was- because Christian was IN it- and simultaneously they almost shouted, "Math!" (which solicited stares from surrounding tables). She met his eye- they both seemed to blush for unknown reasons—and tore off another piece of her bagel.

He sipped his orange juice as she asked him what courses he was in.

"I take Spanish," he replied, "just like everyone else…well, except for you."

"Yeah, there's only like, eight people in my class."

"I also take comparative politics, English, of course math, and news writing."

"News writing! Lucky- it was closed when I tried to register!"

"Are you an English major?" he asked.

She nodded. "You are too, aren't you?"

He smiled. "We have something in common!"

She smiled too and met his eye again, wondering if this was the beginning of a friendship.

It was about time she made more close friends.

She looked at him again, noting how the sun reflected off his face, highlighting his hair and bringing the sparkle to his sky blue eyes. As the sun shone on him, it almost seemed that a part of that sun ray was about to shine on her as well; bringing light to the darkness of her life.


	7. How wonderful life is 2

*A/N* Is it me, or are my chapters getting longer and longer? This chapter is weird; there's three phone calls and an email that just seem weak or something, but never fear, the story is going to take off really soon and be more interesting! I think my readers are going to eventually kill me once I finish ;) but we'll see! Anyway you know the drills, I don't own anything from the movie. "Stutter" is by Andy Stochansky. (Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! Please keep reviewing, it's keeping me from putting the story down for too long! Thanks to my faithful readers, I love you!)

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part 3: How wonderful life is (continued)

Roxanne stared out the window at the few snowflakes beginning to drift through the air. She really didn't feel like trekking to the Dining Hall- or rather Dining Hell- to get whatever abominable food they served for the relatively few risk takers who cared to head up there on Sunday afternoons.

She crossed the room to survey her stash of microwavable food; nothing. She had a lone box of spinach fettuccini, and there was a kitchen downstairs, but everyone knew cooking wasn't any fun by yourself!

She would invite Christian- but she barely knew him and he might take it the wrong way. Kate; not only was she becoming a good friend of Roxanne's, but she was also a good friend of Christian. Could she get him to come?

She picked up the phone, dialing Kate's room. After only a couple rings, Kate answered in her usually cheerful voice. "Hello?"

"Hi Kate! It's Roxanne!"

"Oh hi! How was your weekend?"

"Eh, a lot of work."

"Same here."

"I had this brilliant idea today," Roxanne continued, "Instead of going to the Dining Hell for dinner, how about we make it ourselves? There's a kitchen downstairs and I have pasta!"

"That's a great idea!" Kate said, "Should we invite anyone?"

Roxanne smiled. "Should we invite Christian?"

"We could try- do you want me to do that? I have his number."

"Could you? That would be great!"

"Okay, I'll do that and I'll call you back in a few, okay?"

"K, talk to you in a few, bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone, murmuring to herself, "That went better than expected…"

Beginning to pick up random clutter around the room, Roxanne had just stood on a chair to make her lofted bed when the phone rang again. Jumping off the chair, she answered it as quickly as she could. "Hello?"

"Hi, it's Kate again!"

Roxanne smiled. "What's the verdict?"

"Well, he's either deathly afraid of estrogen or he really has to study."

She sighed, and despite the let down, her spirits were still quite high. "We'll just have to cook dinner and have lotsa fun and brag to him about how much fun he missed!"

Kate's bubbly voice quickly responded, "Will do! See you say—around 6:00?"

"Sounds great! See you at 6:00!"

After hanging up the phone, Roxanne shook her head, smirking with the irony. It went exactly as she expected after all.

The next day, a Monday during which Roxanne would not normally see Christian, she paced her room desperately combing her brain for an excuse to call him.

Ask him to dinner? No…too forward.

Just to talk? No…even worse.

She sighed. For some reason, she hadn't been able to get either him out of her head, just like that song by Kylie Minogue. And that song was stuck in her head too.

He'd been on her mind for almost a week; a point she would have to bring up with Stokes when she saw him again this coming Friday morning.

In the meantime, Roxanne resigned to just wait to see Christian in math the next day- but she knew she would be somewhat useless until then. She paced the room idly, knowing she could find a reason to call him somewhere in her pretty little head.

And it hit her like a brick, causing her to laugh. "Bingo!"

She didn't know for sure if they had any math homework.

Before picking up the phone to call him, she sat at her computer, composing what she was going to say. While sitting there, she decided to check her campus email- procrastinating because of her nervousness, and knowing she was procrastinating because of her excitement.

However, when she saw a new message from "Christian Rourke '06", she forgot to breathe.

"Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2003 12:41:35 -0500 (EST)

From: "Christian Rourke '06" (06_crourke .edu)

To: 06_rdelacour .edu

Subject: Math Homework?

Hi Roxanne,

I was in such a hurry to get to the meeting last Thursday that I forgot to write down what the math homework was. Were we supposed to review some chapters or do a problem?

-Christian"

Laughing, Roxanne sat back and sighed. They really were on the same wavelength! Without wasting any time, she quickly called him.

"Hello?"

"Hi Christian, it's Roxanne!"

"Hi Roxanne!" he said cheerfully, "Did you get my email?"

"Yeah- would you believe I was gonna call you to ask YOU what the math homework was?"

He laughed. "You mean we both don't know?"

"Yeah, but I mean if YOU don't know then I'm pretty sure we didn't have any."

He sounded relieved. "You're probably right."

After a little small talk, but less than a minute's worth, Roxanne ended the conversation and hurriedly hung up the phone, her heart racing. Why did she always have to get so nervous around him? She could have kept him on the phone longer or even asked him to dinner if she didn't get so panicky.

She checked her watch- 5:00. She smiled; maybe if she was lucky, she'd catch him at dinner.

Christian walked into the overly crowed Dining Hall, looking for an empty table, only to find none. However, there was one table less crowed than the others, and it's lone occupant appeared to be getting ready to leave.

He grinned; it hadn't even been an hour since he'd gotten off the phone with her, and yet there was Roxanne. A couple moments later, he would have been too late. As he rushed to her table, she smiled when she saw him approaching.

"Well, well!" she said, smiling, "Haven't heard from you in a while!"

"I know!" he said, "It seems like years!"

She laughed. "If I didn't know better I would say you're trying to stalk me, Mr. Rourke!"

His jaw dropped at the accusation; she winked. "I'm only kidding. You know, I forgot to tell you earlier what a WONDERFUL time Kate and I had cooking yesterday!"

"Oh yeah? What did you make?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, continuing, "Kate had like this pasta dish with some chicken and I had some pasta, so we threw it all together and it came out really well! It was so good that we ate it all and didn't have enough to send up a dish for you. You know, we figured that if you couldn't come down…"

He laughed. "I know, I know! Stop making me feel so guilty!"

"Oh," she pouted, "You know I'm only teasing." She checked her watch. "I should be going…"

"So soon? I just got here!"

She smiled again. "I know, but I didn't! Maybe if you told me you were coming here then I wouldn't have made any other plans!"

He could only stare at her with some look that bordered between amused and confused as her eyes danced. "But I'll stay if you want me to…"

"No, no, I don't want to hold you back from anything you have to do…"

She cocked an eyebrow. "Laundry?" She paused, grinning as she met his eye, "Well…"

He tried to stifle his laughter, but when she began to laugh he didn't bother; the memory of their first meeting was still all too fresh.

As Christian walked home through the crisp, late January air, he could only think of her- Roxanne- not the goddess from his dreams, not the girl who died, not the girl who fueled his nightmares. He knew what this was- an infatuation of a sort- and he hadn't felt it in a long time.

He frowned. The first time he'd had an infatuation he avoided her at all costs, mainly out of fear. He'd only been thirteen or so, and since he'd been so afraid to go after that girl, she'd been lost to him. Despite his extremely good looks, he'd never even had a girlfriend, and love was folly. He never really expressed love; didn't know how…

He laughed to himself- he usually only wanted to sing in the shower, back home of course, when no one was there to hear him. He looked around now; the street towards Julie Hall was long and dark, and no one was around; his walk would be another ten minutes, what better way to pass it?

"I dream about stars here

I dream about bringing you a parade

But I can't know

Why I always stutter

Whenever you're around

"And she...

Doesn't care

Breathe the same air

I don't have a hope in hell

Doesn't see

We could agree

This could be so blissful…"

He smiled. This song sounded more like her than it did him; but he never could tell if she just was nervous or wasn't interested- but the more he thought about it, it was true for him as well. They both acted the same around each other; awkward.

"I will do magic

Houdini's rabbit lives here under my sleeve

I'll saw myself in half

They'll be 2 of us

Always ready to please

But I can't know

Why I always stutter

"And she...

Doesn't care

Breathe the same air

I don't have a hope in hell

Doesn't see

We could agree

This could be so blissful…"

He stopped when someone approached, far down the road, but still in earshot, and whispered,

"This could be so blissful..."

Roxanne arranged her math notes the next day as the professor rattled on and on about "Joe Millionaire". Christian, beside her, looked fairly amused.

Without warning, the professor swirled around and said, "So, what was the homework?"

No one spoke; Christian looked like he was about to choke.

"I know I gave you some- and you all had better have done it!"

Roxanne sneaked a small glance at Christian; their eyes locked as every pint of blood rushed to their heads- and then they couldn't help but smile in their embarrassed states.

Another student, apparently in the same boat, piped up. "Professor, what was the homework?"

The professor's face fell. "Did you have fun this weekend?"

The student nodded.

"Then you did the homework! Geez, stop worrying, I'm not out to kill your GPAs!"

Christian sighed with relief, as did Roxanne and half of the class.

"Well now, back to 'Joe Millionaire'!" the professor said, "Lemme tell ya, if he picks that one girl, you know, the one you want to bring home to Mom, that other girl is gonna be pissed!"

Roxanne smirked; this professor was –by far—the most entertaining one she'd had yet.

"What's that saying," he continued, '"Don't scorn a woman or she'll get pissed' or 'Don't piss off a woman or she'll raise hell'- Does anyone know what I'm talking about?"

The rest of the students stared at him blankly. Roxanne shook her head; she KNEW this, and fought to bring it up from her memory- it was on the tip of her tongue-

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?"

"Jesus Christ!" someone said, under their breath, from the back of the room.

"That's it! Thanks!" the professor said, just before cracking another joke about his wife.

Meanwhile, all the other students stared at her like she was from outerspace—well, all but one.

All but Christian.


	8. How wonderful life is 3

*A/N* I'M SORRY THIS TOOK TWO MONTHS TO WRITE! I don't think it will happen again...hopefully. The next part should be up soon, and if you think the story is currently lacking in action or anything interesting having to do with the original Christian/Satine story, never fear! THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! As for everyone's strange behavior, that will be explained at the end. In the meantime, be patient, my stories are meant to be good when they're done ^_^. Agoraphobia is like, a fear of people or society in general, I think, or social situations. If this chapter seems EXTREMELY stupid/ridiculous, it's because I planned to put it in shortly after most of it actually happened in MY life with my current crush, which at the time was funny. Once I wrote it down it became well...dumb or something. If you want a laugh, read it! Well, read it anyway, I know it's been long enough! Again, it won't be another two month wait, maybe a week, depending on work and whatever, I got a job. Ok, this A/N is turning into a novel in itself, so without further delay I present...

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By MusashiHazmat84

Part 3: How wonderful life is (continued)

Roxanne stifled a giggle as her stomach growled. The newspaper meeting was running unusually late, and at this point there was little for she or Kate to do.

Kate poked her. "Did you read the article about that concert on campus?"

Roxanne nodded. "Whoever wrote it has a huge vocabulary, that's for sure. How did he ever learn so many words?"

"You know," Kate said, "I have a friend who reads the dictionary daily!"

Roxanne jerked her thumb at Christian, who was oblivious to her antics, which caused Kate to crack up. "No."

"Speaking of Mr. Valedictorian-to-be, should we invite him to dinner in the caf tonight?"

Kate cocked an eyebrow. "My dear, have you stolen my term for what you previously called 'the Dining Hell?' For that, you deserve a drubbing!"

Roxanne stuck her tongue out. "It would be enervating!" she said, "See, if you can use 50 cent words, then I can too!"

"Anyway," Kate said, rolling her eyes, "We SHOULD invite him."

"Who should ask him?" Roxanne asked, smiling.

Kate playfully punched her in the shoulder.

After talking with his editor about his next assignment, Christian noticed that Roxanne and Kate were eyeing him expectantly, as if they wanted to ask him something. As soon as he made eye contact with Roxanne, however, she quickly turned her attention to Kate, who was talking animatedly.

As he drew closer, he could hear Kate talking about a line from Antigone, which she was reading for her ancient Greek class. Roxanne said she was reading it too, for her English course.

"So there's this line in Antigone," Kate said, "where Ismene says 'you have a love of machinery' or something, and this girl in my class was like, 'Does she mean a vibrator?'"

Christian felt the heat rush to his face; for some reason, he wished he'd waited to join this one. Kate went on about how the teacher made a comment like, "oh yes, since the ancient Greeks really had batteries back then!" before Roxanne cut the conversation short.

"We were just about to head up to dinner," she said, "If you'd like to join us."

Christian smiled, hoping that the dinner conversation wouldn't center around sex—not like he would have much to add to it.

Besides, it was only dinner.

He didn't say much as they trekked the four flights of stairs of the campus center to the dining area, listening to their conversation that loosely revolved around sex. He didn't add much.

He'd been told by several of his friends that he was old fashioned and should get with the times, but in all honesty he just didn't want to, and most people respected that. He was still a virgin, having never been in a serious relationship because "serious" relationships led to sex, and sex led to problems.

He hadn't realized he had spaced out the conversation of his companions until Roxanne said, "Sex fucks things up, no pun intended."

So maybe she felt the same way that he did about sex.

Or maybe she spoke from experience.

Another girl came up to the group near the campus café; apparently one of Roxanne's friends. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, just like almost every other girl on campus, and the second she saw Christian he could tell that she wanted to try to get him for herself. So far, every other girl who had tried that failed miserably.

The only one who had a chance was Roxanne, but he didn't think she was all that interested.

The other girl was coming to dinner with them; her name was Cyndi.

Needless to say, dinner ended up being awkward. Cyndi took over all the conversation, which mainly centered around movies and school. Roxanne was the only one at the table who liked Titanic; in fact, it was her favorite movie, followed closely by Moulin Rouge.

"Typical chick flicks," Christian said.

Roxanne's jaw dropped. "Are you implying that I'm a 'typical chick?' How am I typical?"

Christian didn't say anything in reply; Kate went on about different psychotic movies that she loved, and Cyndi wouldn't shut up about wrestling. Despite their likes and dislikes, Cyndi seemed more like a "typical chick" rather than Roxanne, just by her demeanor and attitude, and in the way she presented herself. And because she was giving off the "typical chick" vibes, Christian wasn't interested. Cyndi was smothering him, and the sooner dinner was over, the better.

After the not-so-nice meal in the Dining Hell, Roxanne and Kate decided to head to Kate's room in Julie Hall to talk over a cup of coffee and some cookies.

Getting Christian to join them, however, was a different story.

"Guys," he protested, "I have to study!"

Roxanne placed a hand on her hip and looked at him incredulously. "For what?"

"For a test on Monday—in Spanish!" he blurted. Kate raised both her eyebrows.

"You've got all weekend for that!" Roxanne said, exasperated, "Just five minutes, the coffee will keep you awake so you can study all night, if you wish!"

"No, I can't…"

Roxanne and Kate sighed simultaneously; Christian inched down the hallway towards the door to the stairs.

"Well," Roxanne said, "In the time you've been arguing with us you could have had a cookie! Just come up for five minutes, and have ONE cookie, that's ALL we ask!"

He opened the door at the other end of the hall. "I'll have to take a rain check!"

Roxanne stuck her lip out, pouting.

He blew her a kiss and quickly darted down the stairs; her heart fluttered at the gesture, and she couldn't help but sigh.

When she noticed Kate was looking at her strangely, she realized that yes, Christian DID blow them a kiss, but also that she lost the argument and he got his way. "Damn!"

Kate laughed, pushing the button on the elevator. "Well, more cookies and coffee for us! And we can talk about something other than movies or schoolwork!"

The elevator doors opened , and they got in. "I just wish I knew why he avoids social activity like the plague," Kate said.

"You and me both."

The elevator started its ascent with a grinding squeal.

"Makes you feel safe, doesn't it?"

Roxanne laughed absentmindedly, still wondering how she could find a way to win the argument with Mr. Agoraphobic.

Christian may not have gone with them, but he never said THEY couldn't stop by his room! She grinned as the elevator doors opened to the fourth floor.

"Uh oh," Kate said, "I don't know if I like that look! Tell me, what are you thinking?"

"Christian won't come to your room for cookies? Well, we'll bring the cookies to him!"

"Oh no…"

"And we'll leave a note that says, 'Here is a cookie for you, and in the time it will take you to eat this cookie, you can think about missing the time to be with us because it would have been just as sweet, Love Kate & Roxanne.'"

Kate nodded in approval, giggling. "We could slip it under his door!"

Roxanne laughed. "I'm beginning to like this plan more and more! Do you think it will actually fit under the door though?"

Kate frowned. "Probably not, but I've got duct tape! We could wrap the cookie in a napkin and tape it to the door! We could hang it from the door frame and knock, and run away, so it's guaranteed that he'll see it!"

"And he gets stuck in the tape like fly paper?" Roxanne mused.

Christian walked down the stairs to the rather deserted first floor boys wing. By the way Kate and Roxanne had just acted, the only thing he could tell was that one of them probably had a crush on him, and the other was helping. Both of them were acting like they liked him though, even though it was an improbability because they would also be helping each other toward winning something which only one could win.

But, which one was it?

Kate and Christian were quite close throughout the year, often going to dinner together and talking about life in general. In fact, his relationship with Kate was a little closer than that of his and Roxanne's, though lately he and Roxanne had been growing a lot closer. He and Kate acted the same together as he and Roxanne did, but when Kate and Roxanne got together they acted completely different, like both of them were in love with him.

A part of him was still telling him to get as far away from Roxanne as possible, whereas he'd never been so apprehensive of being around Kate. Although he and Professor Stokes had tried to figure out the underlying reason for this, no conclusion had been reached though. The good professor recently suggested hypnosis, but Christian was admittedly reluctant. In his more recent meetings with Stokes, Christian felt as though the professor might be onto something that he was withholding from Christian, and he didn't like that one bit.

Because the professor might be withholding important information, Christian was waiting for the green light to pursue anything with Roxanne. After all, he was 19 years old, and it was about time he became a contestant in the game of love.

Thinking of Roxanne reminded him of something else, besides the now elusive woman from his dreams—

He had to do laundry.

The two giggling schoolgirls clomped down the stairwell about fifteen minutes later, armed with a note, a roll of duct tape, and one carefully wrapped chocolate chip cookie.

It had taken them a while, but their plan was finally ironed out and should go off without any problems.

The note was written (in Roxanne's pretty hand), almost exactly as she'd earlier dictated, and taped to the napkin-wrapped cookie. The cookie was going to be taped hanging from the doorframe as Kate suggested, and whoever taped it (Roxanne) would have to knock and run to the stairwell at the opposite end of the hall. Kate was going to stay hidden, watching to make sure he opened the door.

The Perfect Plan.

When they got to the bottom of the stairs and opened the door to his hall, they weren't expecting to see a group of people standing in the hall in close proximity to his room. This was Julie Hall, after all; no one ever came to visit—except when you didn't want them to. The devious duo quickly retreated to the empty stairwell, hoping that the group in the hall would quickly disappear so that they could execute their silly plan and get on with their lives.

After five minutes, not only was their patience running thin, but they knew that yes, they DID have better things to do than spend the night crouching like idiots in a creepy stairwell.

Kate began telling a story about how she once got stuck in her own bathroom for over an hour, and Roxanne honestly had no idea what prompted it. Keeping her ear turned toward Kate and her eye toward the narrow window in the hall door, Roxanne was overcome by a panicky feeling of déjà vu.

Before she and Kate embarked on this ridiculous mission, they should have remembered that the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray; someone partially appeared in the door, and Roxanne somehow knew it wasn't the people from the hall.

Vaguely she heard Kate ask, "What? You look like you're looking at a ghost!"

She didn't have to answer when Christian stepped out into the now very crowded stairwell, laundry basket in hand. He looked from Roxanne to Kate, his eyes growing as big as Roxanne's when he spotted the roll of tape in Kate's hand.

"So…you're coming to tie me up?" he asked.

Roxanne let out her breath, unaware she was holding it. "Well yeah, if you're up for some bondage…"

Christian blanched.

Roxanne winced; she'd forgotten that she was dealing with Mr. G-rated in her disparity to lighten up the extremely bizarre situation.

Now he probably thought she was some crazy stalker nymphomaniac…

She sighed; why was it that he was always attending to his laundry when something utterly embarrassing or stupid involving her had to happen?


	9. How the faces of love have changed

*A/N* Oh yes, I'm sure everyone is about to kill me for the 6 week wait on the update, but I think you'll forgive me when you see that it's three times longer than my usual chapters. All of Part 4 is up, as promised, it's the part you've been waiting for! So, without further delay here are my disclaimers. "Different People" is by No Doubt, "Say You Love Me" is by Fleetwood Mac, and "I'll Be" is by Edwin McCain. Don't forget to review, I love you all, my patient readers! :D Please continue to be patient, it might be a while for the next part... I'm trying to kick out a novel that I've been working on for 5 years.

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part 4: How the faces of love have changed

Roxanne eyed the phone, wondering if she should try to get Christian to come to dinner after the previous night's ridiculous escapade. Kate told her earlier that she was over reacting, but instinct told her that this only pushed Christian further away.

She'd had a dream about him last night again, and just like all the other dreams she'd been having for god-knows-how-long, she'd been on a stage, facing hundreds of faceless people.

His was the only whose back was turned to her; he was the only one moving, walking farther away.

She shook her head, pushing thoughts of those menacing dreams out of her mind for the moment. If he was going to act like that over something like this in reality, then HE would definitely be overreacting. If not, then she was—and unfortunately there wasn't any sure-fire way of finding out.

Picking up the phone, Roxanne hesitantly dialed Christian's number. Earlier today Kate said that if he didn't know before, he certainly knew now because when Roxanne saw him coming through the door, she looked as if a freight train we coming straight for her.

And yet she still dialed the number, strangely hoping that the answering machine would pick up as it had so many times before—and as of yesterday his voicemail box was full.

She stared out the window, forgetting for the moment that she was even on the phone—he was becoming an obsession; she ran the risk of scaring him away by calling so much…

She'd done that with too many guys; she'd screwed up more possibilities than she could count; even worse than a clingy vine of poison ivy—and yet most of the time she irritated herself more than her poor lust-object, if not more.

"Hello?"

"W—what?" Roxanne stammered, half-realizing that Christian answered the phone. "Oh, hi! It's Roxanne."

"Hi…" he sounded out of breath.

"Kate and I were wondering…"

"If I'd like to come to dinner tonight, right? I can't, my parents are coming soon and I have to go meet them."

Roxanne frowned. "Oh, okay. I understand—some other time then."

"See you later," he said, and hung up before she could respond.

Lovely. Just lovely.

In any case, Kate would go to dinner, and after yesterday's display this was all too expected.

Unusually busy for a Friday night, the Dining Hell was packed with people when Kate and Roxanne walked in about thirty minutes later.

"Mmm, lovely," Kate said, "One empty table, back of the room."

"Run! Before it's taken!"

Kate laughed. "I've never seen if this full on a Friday night before. Most people get off campus to eat somewhere decent."

"Unless your name is Christian Rourke," Roxanne said, "then you order Dominos and eat it in the laundry room while reading J. Bronowski's 'Ascent of Man.'"

Kate picked up a tray. "Ugh, I don't think he would willingly submit himself to that kind of torture."

Roxanne cocked an eyebrow. "Laundry on Friday nights isn't torture for him."

Kate laughed. "You know that's not what I meant. Reading 'The Ascent of Man' is like a slow descent into Hell."

Roxanne leaned over some dried out rice. "Mmm…sort of like eating here."

"Bingo."

"Christian's probably having some nice dinner with his parents; I envy him."

"Ha, are you kidding?" Kate said, "He told me once that dinner at his house is always spent in silence because every dinner conversation turns into a huge argument between him and his father."

Roxanne became thoughtful. "Maybe that's why he told me once that he doesn't really like home cooking—bad memories."

"That's sad."

Roxanne nodded. "That surprises me though, he seems so conservative, like I imagined his father to be."

"They might be so much alike that they hate each other," Kate said, "You know, all they see in each other are the traits they hate about themselves."

"That also might explain why Christian might be attracted to me—as they say, opposites attract, and I'll bet I'm radically different from any other girl he's ever met!"

"Now now, Roxanne," said Kate, wagging an accusatory finger at her, "Don't get cocky."

The Dining Hell had cleared out considerably by the time Roxanne and Kate finished their dinners. Sipping her soda, Roxanne listened as Kate jabbered away about her old high school, and as she idly looked around the Dining Hell's remaining victims, she saw a couple familiar faces, sitting clear across the room. If Christian wasn't one of them, or if he was alone, her blood wouldn't have begun its slow boil…but he WAS one of them, and he WASN'T alone. "Well, well," she said, "Look who's here."

"What?"

Roxanne gestured with her plastic straw, clenching her teeth. "See Cyndi, across the room?"

"Yeah, why?" Kate asked, a split second before she saw its answer. "OH."

"Yeah." Christian's back was to her, but even from her vantage point, he seemed to he happily chatting with the other girl. "Well—how nice of him."

"That pisses me off."

"Why?" Roxanne said, "Granted, I'm pissed too, but it's not my place to get jealous—I'm not his girlfriend."

"He deliberately lied to you, Roxanne!"

Fire flashed through her eyes, and Kate slammed her cup down. "Son of a bitch, if you don't want to talk to him then I will!"

She turned away, not wanting to look at him anymore. "No…I don't like to make scenes…"

Kate was gone before Roxanne could tell her not to go make a scene for her, and passing Cyndi, who was oblivious and probably going to get more food.

Roxanne decided to get up for some more soda, not wanting to just sit there and stew, thinking about the unfolding drama. Stuff like this should have been left in high school, because that's all it was—high school drama.

Kate was back at the table when Roxanne returned, looking relieved.

"What did he have to say for himself?"

"I think he had a valid excuse," Kate said, "He said that his parents are coming soon and he wanted a quick bite to eat. Cyndi happened to see him on the way up and imposed herself on him and from what I could tell, he's been thoroughly annoyed by her."

Roxanne cocked an eyebrow as Kate continued, "I think I'm a good judge of character, and he seemed sincere."

"Knowing Cyndi, that makes sense—should've figured."

Kate picked up her cup again. "Even so…from now on maybe both of us should give him his space."

"Yeah, I hear you—I was sort of beginning to think that myself."

Across the room, Cyndi and Christian both appeared as if they were getting ready to leave, and she followed them with her eyes until they both were out of sight.

But before Roxanne took her focus off the doorway, Christian came rushing back around the corner. She smiled. "Looks like he's coming to apologize in person!"

He rushed over to the table and sat across from Roxanne, whose eyes had never left him since he'd come back into the room. "I'm so sorry about what happened!"

"Yeah," Kate said, "I feel bad about confronting you like that—it was a little uncalled for."

"I know what that must've looked like…"

"It's okay, Christian," Roxanne said, "It wasn't what it looked like and that's what matters…"

An awkward silence fell over the table as her sentence died on her lips.

"Look," Christian said, "let's just forget about it."

Unfortunately for Roxanne, Christian didn't seem to just "forget about it" over the next week; he'd returned none of her phone calls, however few that there were, and if she saw him, he never acknowledged whether he saw her back. No small waves, no smiles, nothing.

No little affections during this week of Roxanne's birthday; Valentine's Day.

So when she walked into math class the following Tuesday, she wasn't exactly enthusiastic about it. Of course, Mr. Over-Achiever was already there, arranging his notes and the desks to his liking—the rickety desk that usually sat next to Roxanne's was one that he pulled out and put in another isle, moving one up to his standard next to her so they could sit together. As usual, she sat next to him.

Without so much of a murmur of hello, he got up and sat a couple rows over.

Figuring it was just some fluke, she sat next to him the following Thursday, the day before her birthday.

When he moved away, she muttered, "Childish," and resolved not to get angry, when in reality she was a spark away from exploding.

His dreams had been awful this week—the auburn haired Goddess was crying at his feet and what did he do? Walk away.

It was so close to what was happening with him and Roxanne…he wanted to love her, but what exactly did that entail? Most certainly it didn't involve going to extremes to avoid one another, and he knew on some level that he was doing that to her.

It wasn't that all the drama that unfolded about rather stupid things in the past week scared him away from her…it was something else.

If anything, that childish cookie incident was cute; everything about it was cute, including her reaction. Even though he never wanted to admit it to himself, he wished he could catch her off guard more often.

As if catching sight of her racy bra, hearing her sing, and seeing her play wasn't enough?

But there was always his schoolwork, and he had to do well in order to support himself and eventually a family later on.

Honestly, while he'd been planning his whole life, he'd forgotten to plan for love. It wasn't like he could squeeze it in last second—then again, how did the old saying go? Love always hits you when you aren't expecting it; even if those weren't the exact words, he could always ask Roxanne. If he could muster up the courage to talk to her again.

Simply put, he wasn't afraid of her, it was her with whom he was afraid of falling in love.

The sound of someone throwing up in the bathroom again jerked Roxanne from the sleep she'd nearly fallen into. This was the reason she hated having suitemates to share the bathroom with; they could hear her every move and conversation and she theirs, and they always seemed to speak more loudly when she was trying to sleep.

Tonight, falling asleep was no small feat, even before her suitemates invaded the bathroom. Thoughts of Christian invaded her mind, the events of the past couple weeks playing over and over again like a bad teeny-boppy-soap-opera-movie, and she played the Love-Struck-Fool.

Kate told her it would be best if she backed off, and she already knew she was balancing on Christian's thin tight-rope of patience. She turned over again, glad that her alarm clock was out of sight.

Why had she fallen for him? What made him so different from all the other guys who were oblivious to her? The fact that he was 100% G-rated definitely wasn't it—if he had any clue about her previous sexual escapades with former boyfriends, he would either turn sickly green, or green with envy.

Speaking of being sickly green…she rolled her eyes when her suitemate started to cry because she once again drank too much, just like she said she would never do again last Friday, and Saturday, and every weekend (and possibly weekday) before.

Roxanne climbed down off the lofted bed, searching in the dark for her CD player. If thoughts of Christian were going to keep her awake tonight, then she certainly wasn't going to have the noise of those lushes in the background. She climbed back up once she found it, and pushed play as soon as she was back under the covers, not particularly caring that it was on a random playlist. The CD was No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom—a CD that took her back to 7th grade, a place she would rather be than here and now. It was a time before her depressions, before her "great loves", before Christian; it was a time where she was just as innocent as him.

"He and she, two different people, with two separate lives; then you put the two together—you get one spectacular surprise because one can teach the other one things she didn't know while still the other finds a place inside he never knew had room to grow…"

"Tell me, Christian, how have your dreams been lately?" Professor Stokes asked, taking a sip of water. "Has that girl been appearing in them as much as earlier this year?"

Christian nodded. "I don't understand why, but the dreams don't come as often when I'm around Roxanne; they look so much alike too, sometimes."

Stokes frowned, taking notes. "Am I to understand that you haven't been seeing Roxanne as of recently?"

"You could say that."

"And you're sure that you're not having dreams about Roxanne? It's definitely someone else?"

"Yeah," Christian said, "the girl in my dreams has a different name…every time I try to remember just what her name is, I can't! All I know is that it begins with an 'S' and it's not a conventional or modern name."

"I see," Stokes said, continuing to take his notes, then glancing at the clock. "I hate to say this, but we're out of time. I assume we'll see each other next Friday at our usual time?"

Christian nodded. "Sounds good!"

"See you next week then," Stokes said, following him out the office door. If Stokes wasn't directly behind him, he would have stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the unmistakable silhouette of Roxanne standing at the counter. She turned, only smiling slightly as she saw him standing there. "Christian!" she said, "I didn't know you came here too."

"Haven't seen you in a while," he said quietly, knowing all too well that he had been avoiding her all week. He hadn't sat next to her in math as he usually did, not after the previous week's incident in the cafeteria. This was the last place, and the last day (of all days) that he wanted to see her. Valentine's Day.

"Well," she said, obviously feigning cheerfulness, "Some friends of mine and I are going to the campus bar for Karaoke tonight to celebrate my birthday—if you're not too busy you can join us…you know, if you want to find time for it."

"Mmm, maybe…" he said, fully aware that Stokes was taking meticulous notes with his eyes. Hearing the tone of her voice made him fully aware of just how much of a jerk he was being to her. Quite frankly, if it were any other day but her birthday, he probably wouldn't go.

If he didn't go tonight, he would risk losing her; her tone was a warning to him to either stop messing with her feelings or stay out of her life.

With a curt nod, he left the room.

Professor Stokes held the door open for Roxanne, who was trying to decide whether she should bother becoming upset over Christian anymore—and by upset she couldn't decide whether that was unbridled rage that he dare treat her this way, or sadness that she'd apparently been rejected again.

As he shut the door, Stokes said, "I don't think I need to ask how you are doing today, not after seeing that."

"Mmm, well, I don't exactly know how I'm doing anyway!"

"May I ask what happened?"

She plopped down on a hard chair that was unfortunately supposed to be comfortable. "Besides childish high school drama, I really couldn't tell you!"

"I see."

"Yes, you probably see more than I do at the moment," she said, feeling slightly betrayed that he was also treating Christian and had never told her, "how come you never told me?"

Stokes looked uneasy. "That's part of the privacy policy, Roxanne, you know that."

"Yes, but I'm sure there is vital information concerning him that might help me get a clue as to how to deal with him, don't you have any suggestions?"

"Frankly, no. There's vital information—as you put it—that I'm sure I could give to him to get a clue about you too, but I cannot without risking my job. I will say that I have my theories about the two of you, and in saying that I am sure I've said too much."

"My curiosity is piqued."

"I can imagine." Stokes said, lighting his sage bundle. "And I wish I could tell you, but you can Christian must figure it out for yourselves and if or when you do, then you will have proven my theories correct."

"No hints?" Roxanne pouted.

"If I didn't give you hints, it would be like not helping a blind man across the street—however, I cannot fully lead you without—as I said—jeopardizing my position here at the university. I can give you the seeing eye dog and a white cane, but ultimately you must find the way yourself."

"And pray that the seeing eye dog doesn't bite, or lead me to fall into a deep hole."

Stokes laughed. "I see you know some of the 'dangers.' That being said, have you ever seen the movie 'Dead Again?' It came out around 1990 or so. Kenneth Branaugh and his wife at the time, Emma Thompson played a charming couple in search of Emma's character's identity."

"I think I've seen it—something about someone getting impaled on some giant scissors?"

Stokes cringed. "A very minor detail at best towards the end. Watch it again, if you can. I'll even lend it to you if I must."

"And this movie is going to solve all the problems Christian and I are having?"

"It would be wondrous if it did!" Stokes laughed, "It might point the two of you in the right direction—and that's if you watch it together."

"Fat chance!" Roxanne snorted.

"Which brings me to what I asked you before," Stokes said, "What happened between you and Christian since our last appointment?"

"To make a long story short," she said, "I think he found out about my little crush on him, and now he's avoiding me. Blatantly avoiding me—which is so nice on my birthday, isn't it?"

The bitter cold wind of the Valentine's evening sliced through Christian's jacket as he walked the mile from the campus library back to Julie Hall. Alone at the library and alone in his walk, Christian knew that he wasn't the only one along on what has always been—for him—the loneliest day of the year.

Today he knew that Roxanne must've felt as lonely as he did on his birthday only a month before; to wake up in your dorm room, only to hear the sound of a blaring alarm and go to your eight o'clock in the cold, without your mother there to help you welcome in this brand new day as she did everyday for the past 19 years…

And because of his cold heart, Roxanne had to experience rejection on top of that, on Valentine's Day.

It nagged him all day—what had she ever done to him?

He could hear the drunk, botched lyrics to Madonna's "Crazy for you"- the sure sign of Karaoke- before the campus bar even came into sight.

It was time he made it up to her…after all, he was reluctant to admit that he was on the verge of letting his guard down, and letting love come nearer than it ever had before. He was apprehensive of exploring the uncharted waters that she represented…

Yes, he'd treated her horribly in the past week, for selfish reasons—that he was scared of what Love could do to him. However, he was no child any longer, and there was also no longer any use in running from the magnetic attraction to Roxanne that he'd felt for some time…

It was now or never.

Stepping up to the door, he could see several familiar faces, many girls from Julie Hall, including Kate, and he knew he'd found his destination. From the looks of it, Roxanne was trying to enjoy herself, for she had just stepped up to the front of the room, microphone in hand, the spotlight shining down on her as if she were the only thing in the room. As he opened the door, he recognized the upbeat tune as one by Fleetwood Mac.

Just before she began to sing, they made eye contact, and without faltering, her voice rang through the speakers in the small smoky bar.

"Have mercy baby, on a poor girl like me

You know I'm fallin', fallin', fallin' at your feet

I'm tingling right from my head to my toes

So help me, help me, help me make the feeling grow

'Cause when the loving starts and the lights go down

And there's not another living soul around

You can woo me until the sun comes up

And you say that you love me

Have pity baby, just when I thought it was over

Now you got me runnin', runnin', runnin' for cover

I'm begging you for a little sympathy

'Cause if you use me again it'll be the end of me…"

Roxanne and Kate watched Christian thumb through a binder of songs.

"I can NOT believe he showed up," Roxanne said, "I barely know what to think anymore!"

"Don't," Kate said, "Just go with it. Something's up with him tonight, I can tell."

Roxanne sipped her water and played with the lime in it. "He looks like he's genuinely enjoying himself…"

"Looks like he's going to sing," Kate said, popping some peanuts into her mouth.

Roxanne nearly choked. "What?" You've GOT to be kidding. Him singing here is like a mouse singing to a bunch of cats."

"He doesn't need to sing to be that," Kate said.

The song that was playing ended as Christian walked back to the table. "So," Kate said, "What are you singing?"

"I'm not," Christian said, smiling broadly. Roxanne tried not to. "Listen," he said as the DJ blared over the speakers.

"This next song does out to a special birthday lady, Roxanne, and it's from Christian. Not only do I expect to see them out on the dance floor for this next song, but every other couple in this place! This is your song, all you Valentine's couples!"

As a familiar saxophone began the song, Christian took Roxanne's hand for the first time, leading her out to the dance floor, without having to ask. With his arms encircled around her, he softly sang along as if no one else was there.

"The strands in your eyes that color them

wonderful

Stop me and steal my breath

Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky

Never revealing their depth

And tell me that we belong together

Dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above,

And I'll Be your cryin' shoulder

I'll Be love suicide

I'll Be better when I'm older

I'll Be the greatest fan of your life…"

Somehow, despite everything that happened this week, this seemed right, with even the perfect ending; the solution to the problems caused by miscommunication, because dancing was the perfect form of communication—flowing with him, knowing how to move in tune with his step…

"The rain falls angry on the tin roof

As we lie awake in my bed

And you're my survival,

You're my living proof

My love is alive and not dead

And tell me that we belong together

Dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll Be your cryin' shoulder

I'll Be love suicide

I'll Be better when I'm older

I'll Be the greatest fan of your life…"

If she stopped to think about the lyrics—as promises—she suddenly realized that everything from the previous week was only because Christian was still fumbling with probably his newfound feelings—and this was his way of apologizing and telling her his true feelings when no other way could do…

"Well I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way

Back from the dead…"

As déjà vu hit her and sent a chill up her spine, she tripped slightly on Christian's shoe—before anyone noticed the slight misstep, he caught her and guided her back to the rhythm…

"And I'll Be your cryin' shoulder

I'll Be love suicide

I'll Be better when I'm older

I'll Be the greatest fan of your life…"

As the song ended, and they began to pull away, their eyes locked. Roxanne could tell that finally, they understood one another, and in that look, she saw all she needed to see.

"The greatest fan of your life…"

It was that look that drew them together, and when the song came to a close, he closed the distance between them and locked her lips into a perfect kiss.


	10. Turning the pages

*A/N* Thanks for being patient! And I am SO sorry that this is probably NOT what you were expecting...it wasn't what I was expecting either. I wasn't actually thinking I was going to finish this until after I finished my novel (still working on it, by the way), but at 4:30 this morning I was like "That's IT, I don't care what I was originally going to do, I'm done with that story NOW and I'll post it NOW!" So...voila. THANKS TO ALL MY FAITHFUL READERS-I LOVE YOU ALL! *xoxoxoxo*

Until Our Souls Get it Right

By Musashihazmat84

Part 4: How the faces of love have changed

For Christian, love didn't come so easily as it seemed to for Roxanne. Balancing his school work, his work with the paper, and seeing her proved to be one of the most difficult tasks he had ever undertaken. It was hard for him to justify watching a movie with her if it wasn't going to provoke any intellectual thought—he enjoyed conversations with her more than anything else.

From these conversations, Christian had decided that most of Roxanne's favorite movies were typical chick-flicks and therefore ones he had never seen.

One rainy Saturday, almost a week later, Roxanne finally convinced him to watch a movie in the student lounge in Julie Hall; she'd said it was an older movie called "Dead Again" that Professor Stokes had recommended.

In all honesty, he would have preferred to see it in his room, but the truth was that he didn't have a VCR or even a TV in his room. Instead, a portable type-writer sat in the place where most students have their TVs, which seemed even more out of place when one could see that a computer—a laptop, to be precise, sat on his desk. Roxanne's VCR had broken just that week after almost 18 years of use.

The student lounge was empty when they arrived that night; Roxanne put the movie box on a nearby table and went to turn on the big screen TV.

"Did Professor Stokes say why he recommended this film to you?" Christian asked.

"Actually, he recommended it to both of us," Roxanne said, "He said that he had a theory or something about the two of us…"

"Really?" he sat on the couch. "He didn't mention this to me."

She shrugged. "He only recommended it to me last Friday—unless you'd seen him since then I doubt he would have brought it up before then." She joined him on the couch as the movie began.

The film began with a woman who had nightmares and amnesia, and as the film progressed it became evident that her nightmares represented memories from her past lives—Christian would have normally dismissed it as folly if he could, but the fact that his stomach had tied itself in a knot by the end only told him that he related more to the movie than he cared to admit.

If Professor Stokes had recommended this to both of them, then did Roxanne feel the same way? She was silent as she turned the TV off and rewound the tape.

"Well," he said, "What do you think?"

She smiled uneasily and went to the window. "I've always been a firm believer in reincarnation," she said softly.

"Do you think you can remember?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes I have vague dreams…" she gestured helplessly.

"Me too." It had slipped out before he'd realized what he said, and now she looked at him curiously. "But I'm sure everyone is like that," he said quickly.

She sighed in discontent. "No, most people think past lives and reincarnation is ludicrous."

He bowed his head in silent admission.

"You do too, don't you." Disappointment echoed from the syllables of her words.

"I don't know what to think," he said, meeting her eye. "I was raised Catholic…" he trailed off; this wasn't helping his argument any.

"Hey you two," Carolyn said, poking her head into the doorway, "the girls and I are about to come watch Moulin Rouge—wanna join us?"

Christian shook his head, but Roxanne took his arm. "Maybe we should watch it—we could use something that's not so heavy after what we watched just now."

Carolyn looked at her strangely. "Roxy, aren't you forgetting? Satine dies in the end."

Christian's head snapped up—Satine—the ever elusive name of the goddess of his dreams…

The movie was based on a true story, written by a man with nearly the same name as he—Christian Fletcher.

"Come on, Christian," Roxanne said, "The movie is very close to the book—didn't I ever tell you that it was written by my favorite author?"

Their eyes met, and an odd smirk spread across his face.

"Come on, Christian…"

There was something…some phrase on the tip of his tounge…Roxanne would probably know it. Quietly, he whispered the one word he knew was part of it, "Come…"

"What?"

"May," he finished.

"Come what may…?" she whispered back in confusion and wonderment.

Suddenly, her eyes grew wide.

The End.


End file.
